|
 Fly the Friendly Skies. First, time for some disclosure — I don't fly all that often. It's been several years since I've been on board an airplane, and I have no idea when I'll have the need to fly again. A number of my friends, family members, and coworkers, though, use air travel on at least a semi-regular basis. So perhaps this rant is more on their behalf than on my own. Frankly, I'm glad I don't fly very often. Especially after someone tried to blow up a plane on Christmas day with a bomb, apparently planted in his underwear. More. . .
 Wow, There Are More Tacky Christmas Songs. We started running Good/Bad/Ugly ratings of Tacky Christmas Songs way back in 2001. Since then, we've had five more editions of this particular rating, every time with a fresh batch of tacky holiday music. This one makes it a total of six. Will we have more tacky Christmas songs for next year? Only time will tell. For now, let's take a look at this year's selections. More . . .
 Situational Irony. Not long ago, we ran an article about Irony. In it there are a number of highly ironic situations put forward as examples of situational irony, such as being run over by a speeding ambulance. Well, as it turns out, I now have a new example that happened to me a few days ago, and as the lower back pain has subsided, the apparent humour has only become more obvious. More. . .
 Regrettable Rides: A Definite Lack of Effort.The Dodge Caravan, along with stablemates the Plymouth Voyager and Chrysler Town and Country, have been around since 1983. In no incarnation has this ever been considered a particular attractive vehicle. The example below, which appears to be a first generation model (pre 1991), with it's light beige paint job, was probably less attractive than average in it's day. More . . .
 Absurdity in Advertising, Volume VI. Sometimes advertising is meant to be funny. Sometimes it succeeds. Sometimes it succeeds at being funny when it's not supposed to be funny. Sometimes that's when it's funniest of all. This is one of those times. You wouldn't generally think of the Sobey's grocery flyer as a source of mirth, at least I don't. This is one of those times, though, when the person doing the header for the page had no idea what actually was on this particular page. Well, unless toothpaste, tissue, and deodorant are the sort of things you expect in your Christmas stocking. More . . .
 I Do Not Want Your Stupid Toolbar. I am a nerd. There's really no way to deny that. I'm an all-purpose nerd, but with a definite technological bent. And with tech nerd tendencies also comes tech nerd responsibilities. In my case in particular, this means I have a number of computers that I am basically responsible for — both my work notebook and my desktop at home, as well as my wife's notebook, and to a certain extent my sister's notebook as well. More. . .
 Absurdity in Signage: You Can't Buy Happiness, But . . . A sign with changeable letters is ideal for a smaller grocery store in a high traffic area. Smaller stores tend not to be destination stops for people who don't live or work nearby, so getting some buisness from people passing by is of course helpful. And advertised 'in-store' specials on things people buy all the time might be just the ticket for getting someone to stop — things like milk, bread, tissue, the sort of basic staples you use every day. More. . .
 A Thousand Words, Volume XXII. It's that time again. It's been a few months since the last edition of A Thousand Words, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. If you haven't seen this feature before, you'll want to check out the arrows at the bottom of the page, which you can use to get to every edition of A Thousand Words that we've done on the site. This is number 22, so that's a lot of funny photos. More . . .
 Greed Is Not Good. Time for a quick show of hands — anyone seen the movie Wall Street? For those who haven't, one of the main characters is a corporate raider named Gordon Gekko, who in an Oscar-winning performance by Michael Douglas, utters the line "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good." And while he might be the bad guy, he's also the most memorable character in the movie. More. . .
Regrettable Rides: The Return of Frankentruck. I'm not sure what it is about trucks. The desire to combine pieces of dead trucks together in order to build new trucks that are generally less than the sum of their parts seems especially strong with Chevys. Here we have an example of at least two different trucks, but it might have been three. Probably just two, though, but one had a really terrible paint job. More . . .
Absurdity in Signage: Mmm, Tasty. A perfect sign needs several elements. It should be informative and attractive, and therefore attract clientele who are interested in what is being offered at the location. A sign that is looks good, but isn't informative, might attract the wrong people. A sign that is informative, but doesn't look good, might not attract very many customers. One other key attribute for a sign is accuracy. Only in this case, I really hope that the sign isn't accurate. More . . .
 Sending A Rocket To Do A Robot's Job. Quick question — do you have 80 million dollars lying around? On the chance that you do, and you feel the need to spend it all in one place, do I have a deal for you. It just so happens that the going rate to fire a rocket into the moon is just over $79 million. That's assuming you go with the lowest cost option, of course. You can certainly spend a lot more if you feel the need. More. . .
 If I Had Ten Billion Dollars. On Saturday, October 3, there was a National Arts Centre Gala in Ottawa. For those who are not particularly patrons of the arts, and not performers themselves, this would not normally be news. This wouldn't even make the last minute of the evening news when they generally feature some lighter fare. But last Saturday's Gala featured a couple of unscheduled appearances. More . . .
Regrettable Rides: Movin' to the Country. This is a tractor. Sure, it's an old tractor, or more accurately, very old. This thing was probably an old tractor when Sea King helicopters first went into active service. But an old tractor, even one that appears to have a blue front end and a yellow rear, isn't especially funny. More . . .
Kris Kringle's Day Off . Everyone needs some time away every so often. A getaway, a holiday, a vacation, call it what you will, all of us need a little time off sooner or later. A day or three (or maybe a week or two) when the normal rules and routine does not apply. I'm not talking about the weekend, because most of us have a 'typical' weekend that we usually default to. More . . .
 More Buzzwords. This site began way back in the year 2000. Back then it wasn't even called Dontmindme.com, and it existed on a free webhost that no longer exists. The very first article posted on the site was a Good/Bad/Ugly rating of buzzwords. Nine years have passed since then, and we have yet to revisit that rating. Until now. More . . .
 Misadaventures In Marketing (Part XI). Everywhere you go, you are faced with advertising. In one form or another, someone wants to sell you something, whether it be a product, a service, or an idea. Here at Dontmindme.com we want to promote awareness of what the true message of certain advertisments actually might be. More. . .
 Isn't It Ironic? From time to time you encounter a wrong that just chafes at your very soul. Each time arises, and each time you experience it, a little piece of you dies. Eventually you reach the point where you come to the realization that something must be done. Then it falls upon you to do that something. More. . .
Regrettable Rides: Lipstick on a Pig. From 1982 until 2005, GM produced the Chevrolet Cavalier. The early versions were boxy and dull; rather typical for the 1980s. They improved the look for the early '90s, although it was still a fairly bland car. Finally in 1995 the third generation Cavalier got some curves and some style, although by that time almost every other carmaker on the planet (Volvo, I'm looking at you) had already done better. More . . .
 Wilhelm Award Nominations (August 2009). Some awards announce all their nominees at some predetermined date not long before the actual winners are announced. Here at Dontmindme.com we do things a little differently. At random times throughout the year we announce nominations for various categories of awards. This is one of those times. More. . .
Absurdity in Signage: Um, Danger? One of our friends found this sign on a recent excursion to the beach, and found it highly amusing. Thankfully she had a camera handy, and snapped a photo. This is actually a close up of the funniest part of the sign. Or maybe I should say most disturbing part, because this is actually a pretty messed up warning icon. More. . .
 Looney Tunes Characters, Part II. Last month we ran a Good/Bad/Ugly rating of Looney Tunes characters. If you missed it, check it out here. Of course, Looney Tunes featured a whole lot of characters; far more than would fit nicely into a single G/B/U rating. So here are a bunch more. If we've somehow missed your favourite 'toon, feel free to let us know, and maybe we'll do a part III someday. More. . .
Ridiculed Rides: Free Parking. This vehicle has a few regrettable aspects in and of itself, none of which completely seals the deal. Sure, there's the sad colour, the mismatched wheel covers (from different decades, none the less), and the strange and unidentifiable oversized hood ornament (see the closeup below). All of these things are certainly unfortunate, but they don't add up to a truly regrettable ride. What pushes this one over the top is the location. More . . .
 Good Chickens Make Good Neighbours. When I was ten, I told my friend Kristen that I was born with a hole in my head. We had been playing basketball in my driveway. The ball ricocheted off the garage door and I blurted it out. She looked at me like my confession explained a lot. I suspect she went home and told her parents about my defect, which probably cleared up a few suspicions of their own. More . . .
Absurdity in Signage: Drink Up. I am ambivalent towards changeable text signs. And by that I mean the real meaning of ambivalent (i.e. of two minds), not the wrong meaning (i.e. apathetic) that if often used. You see, the signs are generally unattractive, although not nearly so unattractive as the ones that feature oversized neon-coloured lettering on a black background, my hatred for those burns with the fire of a thousand suns. The standard black/red text on white background signs, however, are a ready source of entertainment. More . . .
Looney Tunes Characters, Part I. I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. When I was a child, some of the most important lessons were learned from watching cartoons. These lessons included learning that a shotgun discharged point blank into the face of a duck will spin his beak around to the back of his head and leave the unfortunate waterfowl annoyed, blackened, but very much alive. More . . .
Ridiculed Rides . . . In a Barbie World. There are some vehicles that you see as toys, but you don't actually expect to encounter them in real life — Optimus Prime, the Batmobile, the Millennium Falcon. Well, I don't think I've ever seen a real vehicle that looked more like an oversized toy than this one (The Smart Fortwo doesn't count as a real vehicle or as oversized). Between the aquarmarine body, the plastic roof, and the ridicoulous white wheelwells, you'd swear it came in a box . . . More . . .
 More Scams. A few years ago, this site ran an article discussing some of the more nefarious frauds that inflict civilized society today. We're talking such insidious scams as mail-in rebates, lobster, and of course Kellogg's Special K (it's just malformed and overpriced Rice Krispies!). There are a lot of other scams out there, though, that the public needs to be informed of. And no, we're not talking about Nigerian royalty with 20 million dollars they need to move offshore. Here are a few more everyday scams to be on the lookout for. More . . .
Absurdity in Signage: Oh Will I Now? Many signs offer instructions: eat this, drink that, shop here, etc. Not too many people take these commands all that seriously. Maybe they would if the signs were a little more personalized, and a lot more authoritarian. Maybe that's what the sign guy at Wendy's was going for with this one, but he for some unknown reason opted for 'a' instead of 'our'. Or maybe this is just the worst thing anyone ever got out of a fortune cookie. More . . .
 Classic Canadian TV Shows. When I was young, we never had cable television. In fact, for several years, we didn't have a TV at all, but when we did, we only got what came in on the rabbit ears. Most of the time, in this part of Canada in the 1980s, that was a grand total of two English broadcast stations. Every so often something else might come in, but it wasn't very reliable. More . . .
Regrettable Rides: Frankencar. Cars get damaged. It's a fact of life, right up there with death, taxes, and washed-up muscians doing repeated farewell concerts. When cars get damaged, but not destroyed, a common repair technical is body panel replacement. I can't say for certain what happened to this unfortunate Toyota Tercel, but it must have been extensive. More . . .
A Thousand Words, Volume XXI. It's that time again. It's been a few months since the last edition of A Thousand Words, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. If you haven't seen this feature before, you'll want to check out the link at the bottom of this page, where you'll find an index of every edition of A Thousand Words that we've done on the site. This is number 21, so that's a lot of funny photos. But before you do that, take a moment to enjoy this edition of A Thousand Words. More. . .
Songs Sung Long. A typical song that you might hear on the radio is around four minutes ago. Many are shorter, and some of course are longer. Some are a lot longer. Just to be clear, we're not talking classical compositions or obscure progressive rock. We're talking songs that you could conceivably hear on Top 40 radio, or in most cases, could have heard on Top 40 radio a decade or three ago, since most of these songs are from a few years ago. Perhaps oldies radio is where you'd hear these songs today. In any case, we're looking at a Good/Bad/Ugly rating of songs that are over six minutes long. More . . .
Misadaventures In Marketing (Part X). Everywhere you go, you are faced with advertising. In one form or another, someone wants to sell you something, whether it be a product, a service, or an idea. Here at Dontmindme.com we want to promote awareness of what the true message of certain advertisments actually might be. More. . .
 A Cereal Named Regret. Let's get two things out of the way right now. First, I like Shreddies. Once I learned the secret of letting them steep in the milk for a minute or two to soften up the corners and prevent occasional roof-of-mouth gouges, they became one of my favourite breakfast cereals. And second, I like vanilla. Not as much as I like chocolate, mind you, but vanilla is nice. More . . .
Regrettable Rides: Worst Truck Ever. Sometimes you see a vehicle so utterly terrible there is no choice but to stop and stare, your disbelief utterly overwhelmed. The only question you can ask yourself is "How can this be? How does someone let a truck get this, well, like this? And how on earth did it pass motor vehicle inspection? Okay, so that was three questions. . . More . . .
 Slang Terms for Law Enforcement (Part II). Last week we ran an Good/Bad/Ugly rating of slang terms for law enforcement, but as it happens, there are lots of terms for The Law. Since only four were covered in the previous article, it seems a good idea to revisit the topic. Of course, there are still lots of other terms out there which won't get covered this time, either, so there may be a part III some day. We'll have to wait and see. More . . .
Slang Terms for Law Enforcement (Part I). Unless you live in an uninhabited wilderness or you happen to be reading this from a post-apocalyptic future when society no longer exists, you probably see law enforcement officers on a regular basis. Hopefully not in a professional manner, mind you, as most people don't especially enjoy encountering the police. Even if you haven't done anything wrong there's something unnerving about The Law. Maybe that's why we have myriad nicknames for them. More . . .
Misadaventures In Marketing (Part IX). Everywhere you go, you are faced with advertising. In one form or another, someone wants to sell you something, whether it be a product, a service, or an idea. Here at Dontmindme.com we want to promote awareness of what the true message of certain advertisments actually might be. More. . .
Regrettable Rides: Got Primer? Sometimes you just want to find something positive to say about a vehicle, but it's not easy. Take this Pontiac 6000, for example. What leaps out first are the three separate areas of primer paint, two of which have lots of rust already showing through. The third one looks to have more body filler than metal. More . . .
 Midnight Cinderellas at Malley's Chocolate Factory. Last Valentine's Day I told friends and family I was going to temp in a chocolate factory. They laughed of course. The immediate image in their minds — and yours, probably — was from I Love Lucy . Frantic over a runaway train of chocolates on an assembly line, Lucy and Ethel stuff candy into their mouths and chew like bewildered squirrels. . . More . . .
 We're Number Two. Just the other day I happened to be driving past Burger King when their sign caught my attention. Normally they tout burger deals, but this time they were promoting coffee. BK is not exactly the first establishment that leaps to mind when I think coffee, falling somewhere after the corner gas station but before the muffler shop. More . . .
The Dontmindme.com Report Card Translation Guide. Unless you were raised by illiterate wolves, odds are you went to school. Maybe you still go to school. In any case, with school comes report cards, unless of course you went to some sort of permissive lackadaisical hippie schools that considered testing an oppressive tool of The Man. For the rest of us who went to actual schools, several times per year report cards were sent home, bringing either gloom and despair or praise and reward, depending on the numbers (or letters) inside. More . . .
Regrettable Rides: The Eagle Has Landed. Here we have a rather unremarkable Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme convertible. In its day a very nice car, to be sure. Considering that they stopped making these in '95, this car looks like it was well taken care of over the last decade and change. This was someone's pride and joy. More . . .
 Return to Sender, Address Unknown. I work at a small company, one where everyone has to wear more than one hat, so to speak. One of my many responsibilities at work involves handling much of the ordering. Usually this is pretty straightforward; except when one of our usual suppliers is out of stock of one of our usual parts, that's a bit of a headache, but nothing too serious. More . . .
A Thousand Words, Volume XX. It's that time again. It's far too long since the last edition of A Thousand Words, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. This is volume 20, so that's a lot of funny photos. The usual disclaimer applies: This is parody, don't get overly offended if we mock something or someone you know, love, or happen to be. More. . .
2009 Wilhelm Awards. It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed since the last Dontmindme.com Wilhelm Awards. A lot has happened in the last 12 months, and there are a lot of things and people which are, if not very, at least moderately deserving of a Wilhelm Award. This year we didn't actually have any formal nominations since the last awards, so all the winners are now for the first time being mentioned in association with this prestigious prize. More . . .
Regrettable Rides: Frankentruck 2.0. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a more obvious example of a vehicle that has been pieced together from assorted parts. They did such a good job of making it all fit — everything looks solid and roadworthy, and whoever did this was even careful to make sure the wheels matched. There's only a slight break in the trimline at the transition from the side panel to the bed. More. . .
 Udder Chaos. Like many people, I commute to work. Technically speaking, I'm a reverse commuter, since I live in a city and I commute to a rural area for work. Normally this works well for me, since most of the traffic is travelling in the opposite direction. Most of the human traffic, that is. Just the other day I was forced to come to a rather abrupt halt on the highway going through the middle of nowhere (actually it was in Alberry Plains, which is much the same thing). More . . .
 All the Small Things, Vol. III. Way back in 2002, I wrote up a rant about things that bothered me. Then last year I ranted about more things that bothered me. And while apostrophe abuse remains an appalling blight that needs to be exterminated like a dirty cockroach, and my hatred for the Tempur-Pedic logo still burns with the fire of a thousand suns, there are still more new things that bother me. More . . .
 Misadaventures In Marketing (Part VIII). Everywhere you go, you are faced with advertising. In one form or another, someone wants to sell you something, whether it be a product, a service, or an idea. Here at Dontmindme.com we want to promote awareness of what the true message of certain advertisments actually might be. More. . .
 . . . And He Keeps Them Pearly White. Let's get one thing out of the way right now: I brush my teeth. Twice a day as a minimum, and three times is hardly uncommon. I even floss with some regularity. While my teeth may not be gleaming white or perfectly straight, I'm generally quite happy with them. I haven't had a cavity in years, I've never needed braces, and my wisdom teeth have caused me only moderate levels of unpleasantness, at least so far. More. . .
|
