Front Page Archive 2005

December 22, 2005. Still More Tacky Christmas Songs. Back in 2001, we ran a series of Good/Bad/Ugly ratings of Tacky Christmas Songs, More Tacky Christmas Songs, and Even More Tacky Christmas Songs. One might think that we had covered all the tacky Christmas songs ever written. But there are simply so very many Christmas songs, and so many of them are so very tacky. Even with this fourth edition of G/B/U rating of tacky Christmas songs, there will still be plenty of fodder left for next December. More. . .

December 16, 2005. The Worst Christmas Ornament Ever. At this time of year, Christmas ornaments of all shapes, sizes, and levels of tackiness are everywhere. From silver bells to figurines of fictional characters, you can pretty well find any sort of decoration you could imagine. And perhaps some that you could never imagine, nor want to. More. . .

December 8, 2005. At a glance, it looks like there hasn't been any updates on this site in three weeks, but if you visit the Staff Blog, you'll see that isn't actually the case. Our Editor-in-Chief and his wife (who also writes and edits for the site) just had a baby boy, so preparing new content for Dontmindme is suddenly a low priority. If you want to see pictures of Sean Marius Peric, and read the latest updates, you should definitely visit the Staff Blog.

November 16, 2005. Turning Thirty. Last week my odometer rolled over. No, not in the car — my own personal odometer. I hit the big Three-O. Thirty years old. I'm not in my 20s any more. I'm not a kid any more. Thus begins the slow slide toward middle age. And so on and so forth and all the other cliches about turning thirty. More. . .

November 5, 2005. Senior Moments, Volume I. There was an old lady that lived in a shoe. Wait, that's not where I want to go with this article. Although, I do want to write about an experience I had with an entirely different little old lady. More. . .

October 28, 2005. The Halloween Costume Mixer. Haven't settled on a Halloween costume yet? Perhaps you find the conventional options like ghost, witch, or superhero a little mundane and simplistic? If so, it's time to try the Dontmindme.com Halloween Costume Mixer. It combines two or more conventional costume ideas into one übercostume, each more scary, horrifying and nightmarish than the last. More. . .

October 20, 2005. New Fall TV Shows. It happens every year around this time. The television networks trot out their parade of new programs, promising that there will be lots of great new entertainment. Of course, a lot of this new material is less than great. A lot of it completely tanks and vanishes before Christmas. Of course, every year there are a few new shows that turn out to be good, and a few new shows that turn out to be popular. Sometimes there are shows which are both good and popular. More. . .

October 11, 2005. Wilhelm Award Nominations. Back in January we introduced the Dontmindme.com Wilhelm Awards, which you can read all about at the Wilhelm Awards Page. Then a few months later, in preparation for next January, we had a batch of nominations for the 2006 Wilhelms. Of course, one round of nominations is hardly enough, here's another batch of nominations for the prestigious and highly sought after Wilhelm Awards. More. . .

October 5, 2005. My Beef with the CBC. In Canada, as in most nations, we have our own unique traditions that we hold dear. After all, a culture without tradition is not really much of a culture at all. Some of the better known and widely observed of our traditions include the celebration of all things related to hockey, vast pride in not being American, obsession with the weather, and last, but not least, complaining about the CBC. More. . .

September 26, 2005. Mocking the Headlines, Volume II. We tried this on the site a long while ago, but it never really seemed to catch on. But this week there have been enough readily mockable headlines that it just seemed a shame to let the opportunity slip away. This is not the freshest or most original idea, but it's hopefully good for a few laughs. Enjoy. More. . .

September 23, 2005. Wallpaper Removal 101. Earlier this summer I had the experience of doing some major house renovations. One of these included stripping wallpaper. If you've never done this, you would think it was a fairly easy job. It's only paper, right?  I'm here to tell you that you would be wrong! More. . .

September 16, 2005. Scams. Unless you've been avoiding all manner of news media for the last year or two, you've surely heard of phishing. It's hardly a new phenomenon, but it has become more common and is one that the press has latched onto recently. There are laws against such scams. But there are scams which all of us encounter all the time which are perfectly legal. More. . .

August 25, 2005. A Thousand Words, Part XVII. It's that time again. It's been almost two months since the last edition of A Thousand Words, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. If you haven't seen this feature before, you'll want to check out the link at on the right sidebar where you'll find The Best of A Thousand Words. But be sure to read this edition first. More. . .

August 14, 2005. It's Hollywood's Fault. Blaming others is nothing new. After all, in the garden of Eden, when God wanted to know if Adam had eaten the forbidden fruit, his immediate reaction was to blame Eve. Her response was to blame the serpent. It looks like the passing of blame has a strong precedent. More. . .

August 8, 2005. Not so Famous Last Words. Now death is rarely a funny thing, but, sometimes there's that odd person who just seems to greet it by stumbling, possibly swearing, and falling into it.  So, for those who like to laugh in the face of danger and impending doom, or for those who are too stupid to see it coming, here's a little collection of Last Words. More. . .

July 30, 2005. Thanks a Lot. . .Thank you. Thank you ever so much for the lovely toaster oven, my husband and I will cherish it forever.  Thank you for the delightful door stop, the two little puppies with the welcome bone in their mouths shall surely make our company feel welcome. Thank you for the cheap stoneware, its already broke once and I'm nervous about using the rest of the pieces, thank you for making cooking an adventure. . . More. . .

July 27, 2005. The Phonetic Alphabet (Part II). Not long ago we ran a Good/Bad/Ugly rating of the phonetic alphabet. Of course, being an alphabet, it has 26 components, which makes for one long article. So the previous rating was only of the first half of the phonetic alphabet, from Alpha to Mike. If you haven't read it, you might want to read that first. . . More. . .

July 9, 2005. The Phonetic Alphabet (Part I). Our alphabet is a rather haphazard collection of letters and sounds with much redundancy and confusion. Some letters can make several different sounds, others make exactly the same sounds as other letters. And half of our letters rhyme, meaning that if you've ever had to spell your name or address over a noisy phone line you've surely had to struggle to communicate effectively. More. . .

June 27, 2005. A Thousand Words, Part XVI. It's that time again. Yes, yes, there was an edition of A Thousand Words last month, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. If you haven't seen this feature before, you'll want to check out the link at the bottom of this page, where you'll find an index of every edition of A Thousand Words that we've done on the site. This is number 16, so that's a lot of funny photos. More. . .

June 11, 2005. Fictional Wee Folk. So much of fantasy and myth contains little people. Perhaps it's a testament to just how self absorbed the human race is that we tell stories and produce movies that feature slightly altered miniature versions of ourselves. Or perhaps it's because creatures that are similar to us, but smaller, are at once intriguing and non-threatening. More. . .

May 31, 2005. The Dontmindme Guide to Real Estate. Several of our writing staff here at Dontmindme have reached that point in life that they're looking to buy a little piece of real estate to call home.  Finding a home can be a daunting task, though, especially for the first time buyer. Particularly intimidating is the prevailing culture of real estate, which is filled by people who call themselves agents (although none of them are called 007) and talk in their own unique code. Learning a this code is a vital part of dealing with real estate agents. More. . .

May 21, 2005. Welcome to the Dark Side. Would you like to hear a story? It's a very exciting tale. It features loyalty and betrayal, manipulation and machination, and it warns how the hunger for power consumes and destroys those who seek it. It's about the fragility of trust, and how those closest to you can cut you the deepest. It's a story that has been going on for a long time, and the latest chaper unfolded with much fanfare and media coverage this week. More. . .

May 11, 2005. Three Things I Don't Understand. I consider myself to be a smart guy, but there are certainly some things I don't understand, such as quantum mechanics and Finnegan's Wake. But complex science and cryptic literature are only two things that puzzle me. There are some common things that leave me utterly confused. So here are three rants about three things that I don't understand. More. . .

May 2, 2005. Wilhelm Award Nominations (May 2005). Back in January we introduced the Dontmindme.com Wilhelm Awards, which you can read all about at the Wilhelm Awards Page. In preparation for next January, here are some nominations for the prestigious and highly sought after Wilhelm Awards. More. . .

April 28, 2005. Celebrity Quotes. Most celebrities like to talk, and when you're famous, there's always a microphone around. But even though that's the perfect platform to shout out something profound and inspiring to the world, if it's not on a script, that's just not happening. So, we bring you the following celebrity quotes. Some may inspire you, some you might find profound, but most are just plain funny. More. . .

April 26, 2005. Breakfast of Champions? Not long ago my wife and I went out for breakfast. This is not exactly an everyday thing for us, but it's not particularly unusual either. We went to a restaurant we generally don't frequent, and which I won't name here, other than to say that it shares its name with a character on an '80s sitcom. The story gets interesting after we sat down and started looking at the menu. More. . .

April 22, 2005. Hickory Dickory Dock, I'm Gonna Clean Your Clock. I remember hearing lots of different nursery rhymes as a kid.  You don't hear them too much anymore, and I think I know why.  They're just plain bizarre, and sometimes violent.  Here are a few excerpts from 'has been' popular nursery rhymes, along with some analysis of why they're so old and busted. More. . .

April 19, 2005. Midseason Replacement Shows. It used to be that the television season ran from September to May. Almost all new shows were launched in the fall, and then the shows that didn't fare so well weren't renewed for the next season. But with the television market being so competitive and cutthroat, that just isn't good enough any more. Now new shows launch at almost any time that isn't December. More. . .

April 15, 2005. Do You Know Fred Fred? I love to run.  I've been running for over a year now and enjoy running on quiet streets close to my home. When I'm not at home, I still try to run. Sometimes running in new and strange places can be a little intimidating. And then there are other times when it's just plain odd. More. . .

April 12, 2005. What Dreams May Come (Volume III). Dreams are a strange and ethereal experience. After all, what the mind makes real can be perceived as being real indeed. We've all watched The Matrix, so that should make some sort of sense. Of course, dreams are common and widely varied. Some feel almost entirely real, while others not real at all. Some fade from the memory almost at once, while others remain in the mind for much longer, and only fade with the passage of time. More. . .

April 7, 2005. How to Mess With People, Volume II. If you're a regular reader of this site, you should know how much we like pranks. Not that we pull all that many pranks, really, but just the plotting of a brilliant practical joke can be highly entertaining. Sometimes, though, a prank isn't exactly what the situation calls for. Sometimes you just want to mess with people. When that's the case, you might want to try out one of these suggestions. More. . .

April 4, 2005. Stage Fright. Friends, Romans, countrymen — lend me your imaginations. I need you to picture the following scene. You are the stage manager of a one man play as a part of your drama 101 class. Half of your final grade and all of your reputation rides on this performance. More. . .

March 31, 2005. Is There a Doctor in the House? The other day I had a doctor's appointment.  I really dislike going to the doctor, but I want to take care of my physical well-being.  If there's something going on with your body that makes you think hmmmm, that's odd, then it's probably time to pay a visit to the doc.  More. . .

March 25, 2005. A Thousand Words, Part XV. It's that time again. Yes, yes, there was an edition of A Thousand Words last month, but everyone loves funny photos, especially when accompanied by equally, if not even funnier, captions. If you haven't seen this feature before, you'll want to check out the link at the bottom of this page, where you'll find an index of every edition of A Thousand Words that we've done on the site. This is number 15, so that's a lot of funny photos. More. . .

March 21, 2005. Remember The Titan. Some of us have never had the experience of breaking a bone. I have, and although it was a small bone, it was really the experience that made it memorable. I was in grade six when we had this titan of a gym teacher. I can't recall his name, but incidentally it started with "T". So let's call him Mr. Titan. More. . .

March 18, 2005. Has America Jumped the Shark, (Part II). If you have yet to read the first part of this article, Has America Jumped the Shark? (Part I) it's a very good idea to read that first. Otherwise Part II won't make a lot of sense. If you have already read the first part, then you're probably ready for some answers. So without further ado, on with Part II. More. . .

March 15, 2005. What Dreams May Come, Volume II. I would say the majority of my dreams are weird.  Once when telling a friend about my dreams he described them as being of an X-Files nature.  I think I would have to agree.  Most of my dreams seem to be "set" in my old hometown where I grew up,  however this one particular dream was set right outside my door and became a living nightmare. More. . .

March 11, 2005. Trendy New Diseases. It seems that every few months there's a new disease appearing out of thin air to plague and terrify us all. Some of these become ingrained in the public consciousness, others vanish quickly into the archives of marginal medical interest, and still others end up doing little besides becoming punch lines on talk shows. More. . .

March 7, 2005. Has America Jumped the Shark? (Part I). Remember Happy Days? If so, do you remember an episode in which the Fonz, while water skiing, jumped over a shark? It is a moment of such lameness and cheese that from that point on, the show would never recover. It was all down hill from there. This concept, originated by the guys at Jump the Shark, has since spiralled into mainstream use. . . Now it can be applied to all manner of things that can peak and go into inexorable decline. More. . .

March 4, 2005. Always Pull Over. It is not untrue to say that there are many things in our universe which were never meant to go hand in hand. Each of us can think of several pairs of polar opposites that nature presents such as fire and ice, light and dark, and Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. These things cannot coexist, and when they try there is usually disaster for one or the other, if not both. More. . .

February 28, 2005. 2005 Academy Awards Speed Rating. In what's become a tradition here at Dontmindme.com, it's time for the annual speed rating of the Academy Awards. No in depth analysis, just quick reactions and comments. I'm not going to say who said what, because there's just too much to go through. Hold on for the ride. More. . .

February 26, 2005. Uncommon Choices for Winter Vehicles. Ah, winter. In my part of the globe, we're smack-dab buried in the middle of it. To me, when I think winter, I think four feet of snow, whiteouts, blizzard warnings and a high temperature of -16 and a windchill of -37. In my neck of the woods we are somewhat accustomed to winter and driving on snow covered roads. More. . .

February 21, 2005. How to Spot Counterfeit Money. Recently on Venture there was a feature story about counterfeit money. The fact is that there is a lot of fake cash out there, and it's something we all need to be on the lookout for. It can be difficult to tell the funny money from the real stuff, however, so to help you out, here's the Dontmindme.com guide to spotting counterfeit money. More. . .

February 14, 2005. Bittersweet Valentine and Roses Aren't Red: A Collection of Valentine Poetry. That's right, we have two brand-spanking new articles for today. We can't remember the last time we've done a double deuce update, but both articles are topical for today, and we didn't want to leave one for an entire year. So enjoy, but don't get used to it.

February 11, 2005. A Thousand Words, Part XIV. It's that time again. Every few months there are enough funny photos, and it's been more than long enough since last time, long enough that people are asking for this, so it's time once again for A Thousand Words. More. . .

February 7, 2005. Mosaic or Messed Up? They call our society a cultural mosaic which I think is interesting, especially when my own background is a wee bit of a mosaic itself. I'm half Dutch and half Canadian. . . and some portion Scottish. I guess that doesn't make much of a mosaic, but hey, it's what makes me me. More. . .

February 3, 2005. Upcoming Marvel Comics Movies, Part II. Earlier this week we ran a Good/Bad/Ugly rating of some of the upcoming Marvel Comics movies. Turns out that there are a lot of these movies slated to come out over the next two years, in fact way too many for us to fit into a single article, so we're doing it in two parts. More. . .

January 31, 2005. Upcoming Marvel Comics Movies, Part I. Today there is a resurgence of the comic book nerd. This specimen of human being used to be relegated to their room studying the intricate detail of an expanding comic book universe. More. . .

January 23, 2005. Tonight on Fox? Does anyone out there remember the Fox Network’s Celebrity Boxing? Only vaguely? Maybe that’s because their main event was Tonya Harding vs. Paula Jones. Perhaps they should have went with match-ups that made sense. We should have seen opponents with some kind of natural rivalry finally facing off against each other. More. . .

January 15, 2005. 2005 Wilhelm Awards, Part II. Last week we ran the first part of the 2005 Dontmindme.com Wilhelm Awards. This is part I. For an explanation of the rationale for these awards, or for the an explanation of the name, please check out Part I. More. . .

January 8, 2005. 2005 Wilhelm Awards, Part I. It's that time of year again. The time when every commentator and pundit out there looks back on the year just ended and muses about what was. There is a good reason that this month is named for Janus, the Roman deity of beginnings and endings. Now, there are two generally accepted ways to look back at the year gone by. More. . .