Stuff My Kids* Have Said, Volume Three

It’s been a full year since since the last volume of Stuff My Kids Have Said, and four years since Volume One. But of course my children continue to talk, and some of what they say is far too memorable and far too amusing to keep to myself.

Last time I included a quote from myself, this time there’s one from my wife, because it’s entirely deserving to be here.

Once again, kids, apologies in advance.

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Darkness and Light

Read to 1 John 1 and Genesis 1:1-4 to start

Are you familiar with the song “The Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel? While I enjoy the song, it’s not exactly a cheerful tune; it’s about social isolation and alienation. Although it’s more than 60 years old, it feels even more relevant now than it did in the 1960s. I mention it this morning because we’re going to be talking about darkness and light this morning, and that song starts with the line “Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.”

Let’s get one thing straight right off the mark — darkness is not your friend. Oh, you might be friendly with darkness, you might be comfortable with it, but certainly darkness will be as comfortable and accommodating as you want it to be, but it’s not your friend. A friend wants good things for you, and darkness does not.

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Go All the Way

Read Acts 4:34 – 5:11 and Mark 10:17-22 to start.

Before I get started this morning, I would like to tell a story about something that didn’t actually happen. The other day I’m driving home from work in my new car, and I kinda sorta completely rolled through the stop sign at the corner of Pembroke Road the rte 17. Not a good idea, especially when the RCMP have been out in force lately. Yeah, there was a cop car going by and he flashed the red and blue lights and pulled me over. Not great. He left me waiting for minute or two, and it’s not like he was running my plate because I have a temporary permit on the vehicle, so I figure this is just letting me stew for a bit. He came sauntering up to my window, and he asked “I suppose you know why I pulled you over today?” I don’t want a ticket for rolling the sign, so I answered, “Because I don’t have a plate? See, I just got bought this car, I have the temporary permit on the front there, and I have insurance docs and the bill of sale right here.” He replied with “No, it’s because you didn’t stop at the stop sign right there.” “Oh, well, I did slow down, isn’t that basically the same thing? What’s the difference?” The officer scowled at me, then took out his baton and started poking me with it, right in the chest up against the collarbone a couple of times, and then he said “Do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop? Or is that the same thing?”

Now, before you get concerned, I’m going to remind you that this didn’t actually happen. I don’t think there are too many RCMP constables who would do something like that, and I’m not going to sass an officer that pulled me over. This story was to illustrate a point, that there is a difference between doing something fully and doing something part way, a big difference.

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Good/Bad/Ugly – Ring Shaped Foods

We all eat food, probably every single day, multiple times. And while there is a nearly endless selection of food options out there, there are certain key aspects that most foods have. Flavour. Nutrition. Texture. These are the defining characteristics, but there is also shape to consider. While some food has no discernible shape – I’m looking at you, soup, most does. Often that shape is integral to the idea of that food. Think of a slice of pie, a meatball, or an ice cream cone.

Today I’m rating foods that are distinctly ring shaped. Could these foods exist in other shapes? Certainly in some cases. But some are so specifically ring shaped that they can only exist in that state, or they would be something else entirely.

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And Why Should I Care?

Read to start Matthew 6:25-34 and Luke 10:38-42.

Before I get started this morning, I’m going to talk about puppets and the cartoon dogs who play with them. And yes, this might seem like a strange and roundabout way to start a sermon, but I promise it’s going somewhere. Who here is familiar with the children’s show Bluey? For those who are not, it’s an Australian cartoon about a family of dogs, blue and red heelers to be specific, which is easily the best children’s show on TV at the moment. I would suggest it might be the best overall show with the widest appeal on TV by some standards. It’s mostly about the antics of a dog named Bluey and her sister Bingo and their parents Chili and Bandit, and also their friends and neighbours. One quasi-character on the show is  annoying sassy puppet unicorn Unicorse, played by Bandit, who serves the purpose of teaching lessons and getting an uncooperative Bluey to go back to bed.

Unicorse has a catchphrase, which anyone who has seen the episodes in question will no doubt remember – aaaaaaand why should I care? In the context of the show, that is intended to display how over the top annoying the puppet can be. But outside that context, the question is entirely legitimate. Why should I care? Why should you care? About anything and everything?

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The Worthy Centurion

Read Luke 7:1-10 to start

This morning I’m going to start with a disclaimer: this is not the sermon I originally planned to preach today. My original plan was a sermon on the topic of being worthy. This was inspired largely as a result of the Bible study we are doing as a family on the book of Revelation, as that is a topic that comes up repeatedly in the early chapters, in particular in relation to how Christ is worthy to open the scroll, and how He is worthy to receive glory, and honour, and praise. Certainly a sermon on the topic of Christ’s worthiness would be a significant and valuable topic, but that’s not even what I planned to preach.

I was looking at how people can be worthy, what does it mean to be worthy, especially when you consider that in Romans chapter 3 we are told quite specifically that none of us are worthy, for we are all unrighteous, unprofitable, lacking in understanding, and gone astray. We know that we have all gone wrong, gone off the path. That is not in dispute. Even at our best we certainly do not measure up to God’s standards. That is at the very core of why we need a Saviour, because we cannot save ourselves.

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Happy Little Cog

Read 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 and Esther 3: 8-11, 4:1-17 to start.

Who here has a set of dominoes at home? Yes, I’m talking about the double-ended rectangular tiles with pips numbering from zero to six, or twelve on a larger set, not the pizza franchise. If you do or if you don’t, you’re likely familiar with them. Maybe you play dominoes, maybe you don’t, but maybe you know the other, better use for dominoes. That is of course to make a domino chain. Stand the individual dominoes up on their ends in a line, spaced maybe an inch or so apart, then knock over the first one and watch them all fall down in sequence.

I don’t know about you, but I find this type of chain reaction is decidedly more entertaining than actually playing a game of dominoes. Of course, one set of dominoes does not make a very long chain. You can search for domino chain videos on YouTube and find ones that feature thousands of dominoes arranged in elaborate patterns, perhaps in different sizes and colours, and which produce spectacular displays when they are knocked down in sequence. Sometimes people integrate other toys or devices into these displays or use vast numbers of dominoes to make the effect even more interesting. I looked it up, the world record for the largest of these used more than four million dominoes. That’s a lot of sets, and a lot of work to put together. But no matter how large or small the arrangement might be, it all starts from a single domino knocking over the next one, which knocks over the next one. Each domino plays a part or it doesn’t work.

There are many things like that, perhaps not as visually spectacular as a domino chain reaction, but often more important and necessary. Inside your car there is an engine and transmission, both of which contain dozens of interlinked components that are all involved in delivering power from the pistons to the wheels. If one of those components is missing or broken, the whole system does not operate.

A mechanical clock or watch is another excellent example. All those gears and cogs mesh together and move in perfect sequence to keep the time accurately. I remember from when I was a child I knew someone who worked in children’s ministry. He had a fascinating watch, I’ve never seen one like it since. On the back he had engraved the words Thou God Seest Me, from Genesis chapter 16 verse 13, and the reason why was because it had the face open behind the crystal so you could see inside of it and see the moving parts. He used this as an illustration of how God can see us inside and out, He knows our hearts and minds just as plainly as He knows our words and deeds, even if no one else does, not even ourselves. It was obviously an effective illustration, because here I remember it forty years later. And I remember seeing all those little cogs in action, because you could watch the gears moving at their various different speeds, some fast, some slow, but all doing their part to keep the hour, minute, and seconds hands in motion.

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The Tragedy of Jonathan

Read to start

I’m going to start with an assumption that everyone here has at least heard of William Shakespeare. That should be a pretty safe assumption, he’s only the best known playwright in the history of the English language, and frankly, easily among the most widely read and studied authors in any language. Shakespeare’s plays generally fall into one of three categories – histories, comedies, or tragedies. This of course is not a lecture about a playwright who lived four hundred years ago, this a sermon about people who lived three thousand years ago. But when I was in university, studying English literature, I looked at the account of Saul as we see in the book of 1 Samuel and found him to be highly reminiscent of the archetype of a tragic figure, such as you might find one of Shakespeare’s plays, a character like Hamlet, Othello, or Macbeth.

Saul is a fascinating character, and one that is well worth examining in detail. We can definitely learn from his successes and from his mistakes. But it’s not Saul that I’d like to focus on this morning. It’s his eldest son Jonathan.

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Seeking and Waiting

Read Matthew 2:1-12 and Luke 2:-21-38 to start.

Who here enjoys waiting? What’s that? No one is immediately putting their hand up? That’s hardly surprising. It’s not a question like “Who wants ice cream?” or “Anyone mind if we finish early today?” We are not keen for waiting, it’s not something that we particularly want to experience, or that we would commonly seek out.

Now, on the other hand, we often very much enjoy what comes on the other side of the waiting. If you’re in line at an amusement park, when it comes to your turn for the rollercoaster or the waterslide, then that’s great, that’s something that is enjoyed by one and all, or at least by all who enjoy waterslides and rollercoasters. I remember as a child waiting for summer vacation or Christmas break, or even long weekends. Frankly, as an adult I find myself waiting for those things as well.

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The Pants

Read to start Genesis 1:1, 2:7-9, 2:15-17.

Who here is familiar with McDonald’s? You’ve probably heard of it. Aka the Golden Arches, Scrawny Ronny’s, Mickey Ds, there’s probably a few other names there as well. Yes, I’m talking about the clown-themed restaurant that serves good coffee and marginally edible burgers, I’m pretty sure it’s the best known fast food chain on the planet. I’m not looking for a show of hands, I’m going to guess that most people have been there at least once or twice.

If you remember, or if you don’t, take a look next time you go, you will notice on the door a sign indicating some rules and requirements. It’s mostly pictures, and you might have to look closely to interpret it. You are not allowed to bring pets into the restaurant. And likewise, you are required to have a shirt and footwear. If you’re coming back from the beach with your dog and you aren’t wearing shoes, then you’re out of luck if you want a Big Mac, unless you use the drive through.

You see this sort of sign at lots of public places. The most obvious and in-your-face example would be a sign that says No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. There’s not much way to misunderstand that. In general though, it’s a pretty much understood rule that when you go to a restaurant or a store that you are not going in barefoot or in your swimsuit. That’s part of living in a civilized society, or a society with some health department regulations at least.

One thing that you do not see on these signs, though, is any mention of pants. And when I say pants, I’m meaning that as a blanket category, clothing that covers from your waist and goes in the direction of your ankles. Whether you call them slacks, or jeans, or trousers, and I’m including shorts, and skirts, and dresses, and even leggings. It’s simply far easier to just call them pants.

Now that we have that clear, we don’t need to be told that we have to wear pants to go a restaurant or a store. No one posts a sign that says “You can’t come in here in your swim suit or your tighty whiteys.” No one needs to post a sign that says that, because it’s understood. It’s a basic assumption that people do not visit public places without their pants. You don’t need to announce it. If someone goes out and about with no pants, it better be a toddler, or there’s going to be a call to the authorities.

I mention specifically about toddlers because we are not born intrinsically knowing that we should wear pants. We know how to breathe, how to cry, how to swallow, those things we don’t need to be taught how to do. But pants? Those we all receive instruction on at a very young age. Our parents put pants on us when we were very little, and they told us that we had to wear them, even when we didn’t want to because it was hot or humid or we just didn’t want to wear pants. And so we do. We all know this, we’ve all spent years wearing pants, and so it’s not a surprise to anyone.

There is a principle to take from this, describing something as “the pants” meaning that it is a basic, understood, essential item. For example, we wash when we are dirty. We do not use violence toward others in our words or our actions. These are things that are not negotiable, not open to discussion or reinterpretation.

I’ve used the term with my children enough times that they now will use that as well. The other day I heard one of them describing something as “the pants,” I believe in the context of regular showering or something hygiene related.

These are basic things that we all know, or that we really should know. We assume that other people know them, unless they are babies or mentally incapable. If they don’t, then that is a good indication that something is wrong.

But sometimes what is wrong is what we have assumed. People from other cultures, with different backgrounds and different experiences may have very different understanding of what is normal and acceptable and assumed. They may have completely different pants. 

We are a church, a local group of believers who are part of the church universal. We profess the name of Christ, and we call ourselves His followers. I look at the people here and I feel it is safe to say that this is true of most, if not all of you. We are Christians, and there are certain basic of that which we all should understand. These are core principles that are not up for debate or discussion. At some point we all have been told these, and so we know them. Or at least we should. It’s not always safe to assume.

Sometimes we take for granted that these things are know because we know them, but we did not always know them. Our children may not know them. People we encounter on the street may not know them. In fact, I would suggest that every time you interact with the general public, you are interacting with people who do not know or believe these basic principles.

So what are these basics of the Christian faith? You’re probably wondering when I’m going to tell you what they are. I did some looking up what other people have said and taught about this, and there’s a lot of good stuff out there, but what I’m really concerned with is the low-level essentials. These are four things that don’t demand detailed understanding, complex doctrine, or even adult intelligence in order to be useful. Now, there is certainly a lot of nuance packed into each of these, and frankly, you could preach a separate sermon on any or all of these, I’m fairly certain that I have done so on at least some of them in the past, and you’ve probably heard them all preached about in the past. I’m not going to go into great detail, this would be a much longer sermon and you’d all be pretty upset if I kept you here past 9:00 going over things you already know. Because as I mentioned, this is not new material. This is the raw basic stuff. This is not everything. But this is the pants.

I’ll go through them in order, and each one is directly taken from scripture. First, and the verses I read to start should clue you in on this one, God created the world, all the living and natural things that are in it, and therefore He gets to make the rules.

This is the most simple and plain thing that there could possibly be, but so many people have so much trouble with it. People do not want to accept that God made the world, and so they come up with every contrived and convoluted fable they possibly can to avoid this. Every time you hear a news story about some new discovery about the origin of the universe, every time you see a headline about fossils that are hundreds of millions of years old, every time that every time you hear that right is wrong and wrong is right, that’s coming from someone who is denying that God made the world and that He gets to make the rules.

I’m not here to convince you of this truth. There is plenty of evidence, the obvious design we see in the life, the universe, everything, in how it all functions and continues and does not immediately fall into disorder. It requires far more faith to believe that everything came from nothing, that life came from non-life by random chance, contrary to everything we know about biology, chemistry, and thermodynamics.

It’s up to you whether you want to believe the truth or reject it in favour of something else. But if you call yourself a Christian, if you want to be a follower of Christ, genuine follower, in both word and deed, then you have no choice but to believe what He said and what He taught. It is clear that Christ had no questions about the creation of world and how it took place, and that He accepted His Father’s authority fully and completely. That is what is required of a believer.

If you believe that God made the world and that He makes the rules, then that requires you to ask yourself three questions. What are these rules, have I kept them, and what’s the consequence if I do not?

In the passage I read to start from Genesis 2, we see one rule that God had given to the man He had created, and we see the penalty – death. That may seem like a harsh penalty for what sounds to us like a relatively minor infraction, but again, God made the world and so He can set the rules. We don’t have to like the rules, that’s not part of the deal. We just have to obey them.

I’m not going to try and give you a complete list of all the rules that God has given us in His word. You probably know a bunch of them already. To see if you measure up, two rules should be sufficient, it’s the two that Christ gave when asked what was the greatest commandment, you can read the account in three of the four gospels, but I’ll read the verse from Luke chapter 10, at verse (27) And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

Love the Lord your God entirely, and love your neighbour much as you love yourself. Not complicated. But also not easy. And if we are being honest, it’s something that we know we have not done, or not done well enough. We have not reached God’s standard. We have fallen short.

This brings us to the second principle, and I’ll read a few verses from Romans chapter 3 to illustrate the point. Romans 3:19-23 (19) Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. (20)  Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin. (21)  But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; (22)  Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: (23)  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

The second basic principle is that that we cannot meet God’s standard, and therefore we are all guilty sinners, deserving of punishment, and unable to save ourselves. This is what we find when we look at the law, the rules that God has given. Sure, we can pick and choose and find a few rules that we can keep, but there’s a lot more that we can’t, or that we haven’t. I have never murdered anyone, and I don’t imagine that anyone else here has either. Good for us. Society and the world at large would approve. But that’s our standard, and it’s a fair bit lower than God’s standard. If you asked if I had ever selfishly wanted what someone else has, or ask if I have always honoured my parents, well, that’s going to be a miss. If you ask me if I’ve ever been unreasonably angry, or have I hurt others with my words, or have I been lazy or lustful or lackadaisical, then I definitely don’t measure up.

And you know what, I recognize that I should not do those things, and even the least moral person I know would likely agree with me. My standard is a far step below God’s standard, and still I miss it. If I can’t even be good enough in my own sight, how far short have I come from what my creator requires?

That is what the law reveals to us, that we are insufficient, we are sinful, we are guilty. Once again, people want to pretend that the law is not there, that it does not apply. Truth, morality, right and wrong, those are all subjective and situational, or so the world will tell you. But that is simply not true. The reason that we even have the concept of right and wrong is because a higher power has ordained this to be so. Ignoring the rules does not make them go away, any more than ignoring gravity makes you able to fly. It certainly does nothing about the consequences.

So to summarize what we’ve covered thus far, God has made the world and made the rules. We have all gone afoul of the rules, we are all guilty of death, and we can’t fix ourselves. This is not a happy situation, this is bad news. But now for the good news. Keep your finger in Romans 3, but for now, flip over to John chapter 3.

(14) And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: (15) That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. (16)  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (17)  For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. (18)  He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (19)  And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (20)  For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. (21)  But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

The third principle is that there is deliverance to be had, there is salvation available through, and only through, the Lord Jesus Christ. Despite the fact that we have completely missed His standard, rather, because we have missed the standard, God the Father sent the Son to be the saviour of the world. So while all have sinned and come short of God’s glory, so all may be saved. Whosoever believes in Him will not perish, that is what we read in John 3:15, as well as in verse 16, which is easily the best known verse in all of scripture. We can’t save ourselves, we can’t pay the price, but God can, and He has. But wait, there’s more. I hope you kept your finger in Romans chapter 3, because I’m going to hop back there and continue from verse 24.

 (24)  Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: (25) Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; (26)  To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.(27)  Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith. (28)  Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

We have salvation in Christ Jesus, salvation that we don’t have to earn or pay for, it is freely given. We call it a gift because like any true gift, it costs the recipient nothing. But it cost the giver, it definitely cost Him. He shed His blood to pay the price for our sins, He died so that we might not. That is the price that has been paid, the price that we don’t have to pay. This is the essence of the third principle, the free gift of eternal life through the cross.

As mentioned, there are four basic essentials that I want to talk about today, four items that make up the pants of the Christian faith. I’ll read another familiar passage to set the tone for this fourth one, from James chapter 2.

(14)  What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? (15)  If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, (16) And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? (17)  Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. (18)  Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works. (19)  Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. (20)  But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

This fourth principle is most plainly stated as follows: Faith must have evidence. It’s easy to say that you have faith, that you believe in Christ, or that you believe this or that, but it’s easy to say a lot of things. The old saying goes that talk is cheap, because it is.

The verses from James explain this quite clearly. If someone lacks necessary things, if they have inadequate food and clothing, and you wish them well, you have done nothing to help them. You are not acting as Christ acted, He cared for the people around Him, He felt their pain and relieved their suffering. No, we are not given the power to go about healing lepers and restoring sight to the blind, but we do have the ability to help others on some level, however small it might be. Can we fix all the problems we see around us? No, obviously not. But if we don’t do anything to help anyone, then how exactly are we followers of Christ?

We often see this expressed as “thoughts and prayers” sentiments. Something bad happens, or someone is in crisis, and people say “our thoughts and prayers are with you.” Don’t get me wrong, thoughts are fine, and prayers are always advisable, and if it’s a disaster halfway around the world then maybe there’s not a lot else that we can offer. But if this is closer to home, if there is something more we can do, then we should do it, or offer help, or something. We should pray, absolutely we should pray, but if we have an opportunity where we can be an answer to someone else’s prayer, or even a small part of an answer, then we should do that. God often gives us opportunities to serve that we don’t even see coming.

A year or two ago, a teenage boy who one of our children knows happened to be in a situation where he had nowhere to go. I don’t recall all the particulars, but his living arrangements were, shall we say, not ideal. He really didn’t want to impose, but he slept on our couch that night, because he needed somewhere safe and warm, and we could provide that. Was it awkward and uncomfortable and kinda weird? Yes. But it was the right thing to do, and I’m glad that we were able to do it.

I’m not telling this story to boast in any way, but to illustrate that sometimes help can be as simple as a couch to crash on, a warm meal for someone who is going through a difficult time, or offering a couple hours of childcare to someone who really needs a break.

Faith needing evidence can also be expressed as branches should bear fruit. Christ talked about this in a cautionary sense in Matthew 7. In that passage we are told how good trees bring forth good fruit, but you don’t get grapes from a thorn bush. This is the same passage where He warned of false prophets, who at a glance appear to be legitimate. He described them as appearing to look like sheep, but really they are vicious wolves, which is where we get the term wolf in sheep’s clothing.

There’s always evidence of something. Faith will have evidence, and lack of faith also displays evidence. It may not be immediate, obvious evidence, but the evidence is there. No matter what we are on the inside, it will show through eventually. This raises the question, then: If someone does not show any signs of actually behaving as Christ did, then are they actually His follower?

We’ve talked this evening about the pants of the Christian faith, four basic concepts that are absolutely required if someone is going to genuinely follow Christ. I’ll restate them now to be sure this is all completely clear.

God made the world, and therefore He makes the rules and sets the standard. We have fallen far short of His standard, and we can’t possibly get there on our own merit, therefore we are guilty, and the penalty is death. There is salvation, however, paid in full by God’s only begotten Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and this salvation is freely available to any and all who will put their trust in Him. And if we follow Him, put our faith and trust in Him and His finished work on the cross, then there should be evidence of that. This is the Christian faith summed up in one hundred words.

Now, I was curious so I went and counted, and I have 22 pairs of pants in my closet at home. Well, 21 pairs, I’m wearing a pair right now. It’s a very good thing to have pants. But they are only useful for me if I wear them.

These same four principles, it’s good and fine and frankly, needful to know them. But if you do not apply them, if they do not change your behaviour and your mindset, if they do not have any effect on your life, then they are like pants you leave in the closet and never wear. In James chapter 2, verse 19 that I read a few minutes ago, I’ll read that verse again. (19)  Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. Knowing the truth is important, but doing something with it is more important. God has called us to know Him, to follow Him, to be more like His Son, but making the assumption that because we have heard the truth then it must be in our hearts is a dangerous thing to assume. Having knowledge of God up here in your head is well and good. If that does not change you, then it does not save you from your sins.