My Mother the Ninja, Part II

Editor's note: You can read the first part of this article here. There were simply too many stories to fit into a single installment.

If you read the first installment, you know all about my mom and her ninja abilities. Well, apparently the "ninja-ness" started at an early age. When my Mom was young her best friend was very tiny. they grew up in a neighbourhood that included a bunch of boys, including the Barra MacNeils (a well-known musical group, for those not from Atlantic Canada), a now-famous doctor and Mom's two brothers. One day when Mom and her friend (let's call her Marg) were walking home from school, some of the neighbourhood boys began teasing Marg and calling her "imp." They even came over and started pushing her around. Well, Mom got mad and sprang to ninja-like action and knocked one of the boys to the ground, sat on him and, I'm quoting here "pounded on him." Now, I'm not sure what Mom meant by this description, but I'm picturing her punching this kid until he cried. I remember expressing my surprise at her story and she said "I wasn't going to let them push my friend around." Well. . . no worries there.

At one time my Mom even tried to cultivate a little ninja in me. Now, all my life I was taught that fighting was wrong and that you should love your enemies. In junior high there was this girl, that for whatever stupid reason wanted to "fight me." I arranged a preemptive meeting to tell her point blank that I just wasn't going to fight her, it was stupid and I saw no reason for it. She however, still wanted to fight. Well, I physically worried myself sick about it one day and stayed home from school. I ended up telling my Mom what was going on and she assured me everything would be ok. She drove me back to school that afternoon and on the way there we saw the "fight girl." I pointed her out to Mom. Well, I guess Mom's ninja side took over and she forgot every life lesson she taught me over the last 14 years and said "That's the girl? Nancy. . . you can take her!! Look at her — one punch and you'd knock her out!" I bet if I had let Mom out of the car she probably would've pummelled the girl herself. Apparently the ninja gene inside me is not so strong because I opted for just telling the girl to forget it, I wasn't going to fight, and my Mom wasn't going to get "a show."

In grade 6 I had a Titan for a gym teacher. Seriously, this guy was like a competitive body builder. Now just as an example, one day in gym class he was explaining how we were going to do this thing with a partner where we would both hold onto a basketball and try to make the other person lose their grip. I was hoping he wouldn't pick me as an example. Yup, he picked me. I remember flying several feet across the mat. Thank goodness he had the foresight to at least put that mat down. Anyway, this one day in gym class I broke my thumb. Now, I was way too terrified to tell Mr. Insanity about it in case he thought I was a wimp, so I didn't say anything and just went home after. My mom thought it was just a sprain and insisted it would get better. The next day I was to go to a town 45 minutes away to accept an award for the best fire prevention poster. That morning I woke up and my thumb was huge, painful and purple. Mom decided to take me to the hospital and sure enough, it was definitely broken. Well, with the x-rays and all mom kinda lost track of time until she realized we had to be at the award presentation in 25 minutes. I guess her ninja abilities extend to driving, because I don't really remember much about the drive itself, but we made it there 5 minutes early. I accepted my award with a huge metal splint on my hand. Looking back, I'm amazed that the Ford Topaz we had back then could go that fast.

I wish to close out this series of articles with a note to my mother. Mom, if you ever read this article, thank you for not teaching my older sister your ninja skills, I have a feeling she may have practised on me and used the skills for evil instead of good. So thanks for taking her to the mall instead.