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Several of our writing staff here at Dontmindme have reached that point in life that they're looking to buy a little piece of real estate to call home. Finding a home can be a daunting task, though, especially for the first time buyer. Particularly intimidating is the prevailing culture of real estate, which is filled by people who call themselves agents (although none of them are called 007) and talk in their own unique code. Learning this code is a vital part of dealing with real estate agents. We have managed to decipher some of this code, and so Dontmindme would like to present The Dontmindme Guide to Real Estate. You will find the real estate language in the left column, with the plain English translation to the right.
| As is |
There's something horribly wrong with the house, but you'll have to figure out what it is on your own |
| Very desirable |
Expensive |
| Central location |
On the corner of the two busiest streets in town |
| Close to all amenities |
Between a laundromat and a pawn shop |
| Rare find |
Very expensive |
| Handy-man special |
Will need months of work to be livable |
| Needs a little TLC |
Disaster area |
| Solid |
Still standing |
| Neat and tidy |
Ugly, but clean |
| Older |
Methuselah would like his glasses back if you happen to find them |
| Great value |
Small |
| Cute and cozy |
Very small |
| Very cozy |
Ridiculously small |
| Spacious |
More spacious than an old farmhouse |
| Unique |
Hideous |
| Affordable |
Because it's in a bad neighbourhood |
| Tastefully decorated |
The previous owner is leaving all his junk behind |
| Charming |
It looks like your grandma's place |
| Freshly painted |
"Pneumatic Pink" was on sale last week |
| Classic |
It has four walls, a roof, and at least one intact door |
| Heritage |
Haunted |
| One of a kind |
Looks like Castle Greyskull from the He-Man cartoons |
| Very private |
You'll need an ATV to get down the lane |
Country living |
No one in their right mind would want to live this far out of town |
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