Hickory Dickory Dock, I'm Gonna Clean Your Clock

An Analysis of Violent Nursey Rhymes

I remember hearing lots of different nursery rhymes as a kid.  You don't hear them too much anymore, and I think I know why.  They're just plain bizarre, and sometimes violent.  Here are a few excerpts from 'has been' popular nursery rhymes, along with some analysis of why they're so old and busted.

Little Rabbit Foo Foo

Little Rabbit Foo Foo running through the Forest,
Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.
Down came the good fairy and said:
"Little Rabbit Foo Foo, I don't want to see you,
Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.
I'll give you three chances to change
Or I'm going to turn you into a goon.

So in summary here we have a little violent rabbit, being a bully, causing head traumas right and left in the forest. Along comes a good fairy who instead of instilling a good life lesson of how to treat others, simply threatens 'the Foo' with turning him into a goon. I bet I know how Little Rabbit Foo Foo took that: "Oh no! Not a Goon!" — then he scooped up the fairy and bopped her on the head!

Five Little Monkeys

Five little monkeys
Swinging on a tree,
Teasing Mr. Crocodile.
"You can't catch me!"
"You can't catch me!"

Along came Mr. Crocodile
As quietly as can be,
And snap!

Then-
(Four little monkeys)
(Three little monkeys)
etc.

Although this nursery rhyme is violent, it does have a good lesson: You should never tease anyone, especially if they happen to be a crocodile, or are otherwise capable of devouring you in a single bite.

Three Blind Mice

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see now they run!
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife;
Did ever you see such a thing in your life,
as three blind mice?

This one is just weird. What are the chances that three visually impaired mice are going to be hanging out together? I'm sure they could still run fast, but you'd think the farmer's wife might have noticed their little white canes and figured out that it was probably just a coincidence they were running behind her. They could have just been having a race. Plus, I think it's rather harsh punishment to cut off their tails — they're already handicapped and now they'll be mistaken for hamsters.

Sing a Song of Sixpence

Sing a song of sixpence,
A pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened,
The birds began to sing;
Now wasn't that a dainty dish
To set before the King?

The King was in his counting house
Counting out his money
The Queen was in the parlour
Eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden
Hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird
And pecked off her nose.

If you've watched Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, or you're just scared of birds anyway, this one will give you the shivers. I think that in the timeframe this was written, even if there were food shortages, blackbirds wouldn't be the logical choice for baking in a pie. And even if they were the only option, 24 blackbirds overdoing it, unless that's one huge pie. How exactly do you hold down that many blackbirds at once?
Obviously, that pie wasn't cooked very well, so maybe someone was trying to poison the King and get all that money he's counting. Of course, the King opened the pie — a logical thing to do if you're suspicious of the help. I guess the blackbirds were a bit ticked to be chosen as a substitute for lemon merengue and sent one of the 24 to deliver a special 'message' to the maid. So, the moral of this story has got to be: Blackbirds are vengeful and don't make good pie filling.