Crazy people. They're everywhere, and it seems that they like talking
to me. A lot. I'm minding my own business at some public place, and I
run into someone that I know, or someone that thinks they know me, or
perhaps just a very talkative stranger, and I find myself trapped in a
conversation with a person I'd rather not be conversing with at this time.
But soon that will all change. I'll just bring up one or more of these
29 ways to end a conversation, and bid that crazy person goodbye.
- I think your brain is hemorrhaging.
- I'd like you to meet my spouse and first cousin. . .
- I like to wear turtles.
- My other personality, Bill, thinks you're boring.
- I have a goat farm in my living room.
- Sometimes I eat sand.
- I'm a part-time sniper.
- You didn't just touch me did you?
- I think your inner self is screaming to be a ballerina (Most effective
when directed to to a rather large male).
- Do you like batteries?
- I've noticed that your blinds are pretty thin.
- I'm a big fan of toilet seats.
- Can I have your fax number? I'm addicted to fax machines.
- You should really fire your plastic surgeon, that's awful.
- So where do you live? Oh really, I'll check that out. . .
- Can I please smell your garbage?
- The colour blue makes me crazy.
- I like to avoid people with a less than average IQ — excuse
- Post it notes are the enemy.
- There's something very suspicious about your shoes. . .
- So, do you like to fart?
- No need to come any closer, I can see your craziness from here.
- I think I'm allergic to something you're wearing, maybe it's your
belt, I'm not really sure. . .
- In the middle of a conversation shout: Control-Alt-Delete.
Sorry, I had to reboot my brain.
- I have a craving for legal size paper.
- Excuse me, but can you spare some pudding?
- I'm sure they told me that humans were smart.
- I'm not sure what day it is, but, you're not very funny.
- Keep your eyes open for monster trucks — they're everywhere.